Here’s what I have to say in response to this paint-by-numbers men-are-icky listicle:
1. They know how to wire 17 devices through one surge protector…
Is that difficult? Put the plug in the socket. This is beyond female ken? Really?
2. But have no idea how to put down the toilet seat.
*sigh* Yes we do. We have the idea to put it down every time we have to go no. 2. The only idea we don’t have is this odd expectation that the toilet seat is always going to be in the optimum position for us when we approach it. If we have to sit on it, and the seat is up, we put it down! I know! Like, without complaining or anything!
3. They can proficiently operate an elaborate system of multiple remotes and cable boxes…
If you say so, sister. I get frustrated with mine a good deal. Inanimate objects vex me. My wife is much better with them.
4. But feel overwhelmed by using more than one shower product for all of their bathing needs.
Not overwhelmed. We just don’t see the point. You come out of the shower, you’re clean. We come out of the shower, we’re clean. Except you do it with fifteen different products and we do it with one. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.
5. They can easily be slipped vegan food if you focus on the fact that it is a “home cooked meal.”
Deception. The basis of any healthy relationship.
You do realize that you’ve given him a license to sneak bacon into your food, right?
6. They like football.
Because women don’t.
7. Like, a lot.
Because they like it so much that it takes up two places!
8. But are totally not into reading laundry labels.
Okay, so far there’s been at least a tenuous juxtaposition between complicated things we do/simple things we don’t. But here the heuristic falls apart. How does “liking” football contrast with “totally not being into” laundry labels. Do women actually like reading laundry labels? Or do they just own clothes in so many different fabrics that it’s simply good sense to pay attention to them? Whereas guy clothes usually come in three fabrics:
- Cotton, which washes well, and can only be dried wrong once
- Polyester/blends, which wash and dry fine
- Wool, which gets dry-cleaned
Our laundry lives just aren’t that complicated.
9. They collect tools in the same way that we collect nail polish…
10. And the poor things think doing chores is as fun as having your nails did.
It’s the difference between doing something and chatting while something is done for you. Different strokes for different folks.
Also, I feel like most guys don’t consider mucking around with tools “chores” in the same sense that vacuuming and dishes are “chores”.
11. Finally, the three farts a day when you each had your own place? That was him holding back.
Women are dainty flowers who never expel methane from their rectum, said no husband ever.
You’re terrible at this, MTV. Go back to doing…whatever you do these days. Exploiting dumb people for giggles, last time I checked.
